


I Don't Want To Be Alone

by AllTimePhan73



Series: Jacksepticeye Ego One Shots [2]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Physical Abuse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 09:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14767010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTimePhan73/pseuds/AllTimePhan73
Summary: Chase just can't take it anymore so he drinks. Drinks until his mind his hazy and the pain in his chest is nothing but a distant memory.TW: Abuse, Chase has an alcohol problem and attempted suicide.





	1. Chapter 1

“For fuck’s sake, Chase! Do something right for once, will you?” Chase used his arms to block his face and ducked as Stacy violently threw a plate across the room. 

He was trying his best not to cry as he choked out, “I’m sorry. I-“

“Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it. Sorry doesn’t wash these dishes.” 

“I know, I just-“

“Shut up. You’re such a pathetic waste of space.” She then walked out of the kitchen, leaving Chase a trembling mess in the corner. The plate was on the ground, shattered into about a million pieces. His hands were shaking so much that they were almost blurred as he cleaned up the glass and proceeded to slowly wash up the dishes. He did it all in a daze, too empty to actually think about how wrongly Stacy had acted. He had long since gotten used to the screaming and pain. So much so that he had begun to believe he deserved every hit and every rude word.

Half way through washing up, Stacy returned to the room and wrapped her arms around Chase’s neck. “Thank you. I’m sorry I shouted.” She even went as far as to plant a kiss on the back of Chase’s neck to show her gratitude. “If you had just done it when I-“

“I know. It’s m-my fault you got angry.”

“It won’t happen again if you just-“

“I know.”

“I love you, Chase.”

Chase let out a sigh and turned to face Stacy who was staring at him with sympathetic eyes. “I love you too, Stacy.” Even after everything she had done to him, he meant it. He just hoped that Stacy felt the same. She did love him, didn't she? She always made sure to tell him after doing something terrible.

-

Chase grabbed some of his hair with his fists, scrunching his eyes shut as tightly as possible as he let out a loud sob. His entire body was aching because he never slept anymore. He felt weak because he barely ate anymore. He felt nothing but negativity because he was _alone_.

Stacy was just in the living room, watching a movie but he was _alone_.

Marvin and the rest of the egos were just a phone call away but he was _alone_.

Heck, even Wilford and the rest of Mark’s egos could be easily reached through the internet but he was _alone_.

He pulled his knees to his chest and began to rock back and forth, wishing he could go back to being a kid again.

“Chase?” Stacy yelled before pushing open the door to the bedroom. Upon seeing Chase’s depressed state, she let out a long huff. “Man up a little.” Then she was gone and Chase just wished he hadn’t been left alone. Maybe if she had stayed and held him like a good girlfriend would have, he wouldn't have felt the need to drink the pain away.

-

He hadn't been thinking about just how much alcohol he was consuming. He had picked up one bottle and collapsed onto his bed, drinking so quickly that it was a miracle he hadn't choked. It didn't take long for him to pick up a second, drinking that at a similar speed. He held some pills in the hand that wasn't holding the bottle and swallowed a few at once. They went down easily with the drink. His hands were shaking so much but that could either have been because of his intoxicated form or because of the dull pain in his chest. _He needed to escape_. His mind was fuzzy as he swallowed more pills. He had already gone over the recommended dose but still he continued to consume them.

The more he drank, the more the pain in his chest fizzled away.

The bottle of alcohol dropped out of Chase’s grip and fell to the ground, smashing into pieces. Simultaneously, the empty tub of pills fell to the floor. The man was very intoxicated so was finding it very hard to balance as his hands gripped tightly onto his desk but that may also have been down to the fact that he had just overdosed on pills. He soon blacked out, his final wishes that no one would miss him and their lives would continue like normal.

It wasn’t like anyone cared about him anyway. Maybe he was kidding himself when he thought someone would care about him dying. It was more likely that no one would notice he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

“Let me see him! Please!” Marvin screamed but JJ was holding one arm and Jackieboy Man the other to prevent him from running forward. 

Tears streamed down his face but the doctor just kept repeating, “Sir, please calm down. We are doing everything we can.” His voice was too calm for the situation and that just irritated Marvin even further. His best friend was on the verge of death and his voice remained monotone. _Did he even care?_

“Why would he do this? To Stacy? To me? To all of us?” Marvin’s voice was barely coherent through all of the hiccups and cries but the rest of the egos understood his pain. 

Jackieboy Man had dried tears on his cheeks whilst JJ, Anti and Henrik were keeping strong for the sake of poor Marvin. Stacy was silent as she sat a couple of metres away from the group, her leg bouncing up and down with impatience. She didn’t seem upset as such; just shocked. It was expected since she had been the one to find her husband on the floor of their bedroom, his heart barely beating. _Had she gone too far? She hadn't anticipated him... attempting to take his own life..._

“ _If you found him any later, he’d be gone for sure. I think he’ll be okay though, thanks to you._ ” That’s what they had said. She had saved his life. Hopefully.

After around half an hour of waiting, Stacy got up and silently shoved pieces of paper into all of the ego’s hands. Marvin tried to push it away, mumbling about how he wasn’t in the mood to read but she insisted. She kept one to herself, gripping it tightly like it would disappear at any moment.

Each of the ego’s unfolded the notes and gasped as they recognised the messy writing. _Chase._

_Anti,_

_I know we weren’t too close and you probably just saw me as an annoying younger brother but I did think you were cool. You were always the coolest person I knew and I looked up to you (I know right, looking up to a demon... probably not a good idea!)._

_I remember a few years ago you and Dark were going through some rough times. I walked into your room and found you crying on your bed. I asked you if you were okay and you yelled at me to “fuck off”. Nice language. I didn’t leave and I’m so glad I didn’t because it meant I got to see a different side of you._

_You poured your heart out to me about everything and how you felt unloved and unappreciated. I tried to hug you but you shoved me away. I refused to give up and eventually you let me hug you. I told you I appreciated and loved you and I do :) I’m so proud of you, Anti. I’m sorry if I was really annoying all the time but I’m glad you felt you could open up to me._

_Just... know you can trust the others, okay? You don’t need to bottle everything up and now that I’m gone, talk to them. Please._

_I love you, Anti._

_Chase._

Anti scrunched up the paper and stood up. He furiously walked to the bathroom, rubbing at his eyes and refusing to cry. 

“You’re such an idiot, Chase!” He screamed, harshly kicking the wall. The pain barely phased him since he had been through a lot worse, considering he was famously known as an evil demon. 

JJ’s reaction to his letter was to slowly fold it up and slip it into his pocket. He let out a shaky breath before slouching slightly and putting his head into his hands. A few tears escaped but he remained as strong as possible so he could support his friends who were dealing with the news a lot worse. Jackieboy Man was in shock as he leant his head onto JJ’s shoulder, unable to comprehend that he may never see his best friend’s smile ever again.

A couple of tears dripped onto Henrik’s paper and he just let them sink in. His heart was rapidly beating inside his chest as he read through the lines. “I don’t want to lose him.” He whispered with a shaky voice. The rest of the egos simply nodded, knowing that if they said anything, they’d burst into tears.

Marvin’s eyes scanned his name and he stood up, needing to be alone. JJ reached out to pull him back but he shook his head. “JJ, please.” He fought out of the silent ego’s grip and ran off in a random direction.

He found an empty room and shut the door behind him, sitting on the floor as he unfolded the letter again.

_Marvin,_

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Marvin. I know you always insisted things would get better but I just couldn’t wait for that. I was sick of constantly waking up, feeling empty and never being able to eat without feeling nauseous. Stacy was yelling at me all the time, reminding me of how I wasn’t good enough and could never do anything right._

_I hope you know I love you. A lot. You’re the reason I stayed alive for so long. You gave me a reason to live for another day, even if we didn’t see each other all the time. When I was with you, I could forget about all the shit going on in my life and just... let go. Your little magic tricks always made me smile and I just hope you never quit doing magic._

_Please forget about me and continue with life like you usually would. Pretend I was never there. I know all of you can do that because I was never really the most popular out of you all, was I? I was always just the annoying, unsuccessful one. No one will miss me and I know that. You have your magic, Anti has his fighting, JJ has his silent movies, Henrik has his medical stuff, Jackieboy Man is a hero... but what am I? Nothing. Exactly. I’m just an adult who acts like a five-year-old most the time._

_I love you, Marvin. More than you would ever know._

_Chase :)_

“You-“ Marvin screamed but he was unable to keep the volume up; the rest came out as a whisper. “You’re so stupid. I love you too and I can’t lose you! I just can’t!”

_Stacy,_

_I’m sorry I was never good enough for you. I tried so hard but it just wore me out, you know? I tried to keep you happy but nothing I ever do is right. I don’t know if you yelled too much for our relationship to be healthy but I don’t really care. I understood why you were so controlling._

_Because I’m stupid and worthless and unsuccessful and I’m just a waste of space._

_I’m sorry I couldn’t be better for you._

_I’m sorry I’m so terrible._

_I’m sorry I made you yell._

_I’m sorry you don’t love me like you used to._

_I’m sorry for wasting your time._

_I’m sorry for talking to you the first time at that bar. I’m sorry I asked you out. I’m sorry we ended up getting married._

_I’m sorry I’m so useless._

_I’m just... sorry, Stacy. I hope you can find someone better for you._

_Chase._

“This is all my fault.” She muttered to no one. Her whole body was shaking violently as realisation hit her hard. 

“No,” Jackieboy Man whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I know we all think it’s partially our fault but it’s not. He was going through a hard time mentally and-“

“You don’t understand. I treated him like shit and-“

“How so?”

“I yelled at him and degraded him all the time. I hit him and screamed at him and-“

“Stacy, is this true?” She looked up at Jackieboy Man through the long pieces of hair that had fallen over her eyes. 

Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, “Yes.”

“Leave,” Stacy looked confused but Jackieboy Man just stood up and reiterated himself. “Get out.”

“Jackie-“

“If you treated him like shit then this is your fault. We don’t want you here.”

She let out a loud cry before shoving the note in her pocket and storming out of the hospital. Jackieboy Man was just in shock that he hadn’t noticed that his best friend was in an abusive relationship right in front of his eyes.

“Anyone here for Chase Brody?” All three of the egos that remained stood up with shaky smiles on their faces. Henrik left to go find the missing two but JJ and Jackieboy Man entered the hospital room. 

Chase had his eyes shut as the monitor beside him beeped in time with his heart. Both JJ and Jackieboy Man grinned widely as that clearly meant Chase was still alive.

-

Chase was okay. He was alive.

Marvin wouldn’t leave the room as soon as he found out the news. He insisted on staying with his friend and holding his hand until he woke up. When Chase did wake up, Marvin was the first person he saw and that made him smile ever so gently. Then he remembered where he was and what had happened and he burst into tears.

It didn’t take long for him to question Stacy’s absence. Jackieboy Man told him about what the woman had said and how their relationship wasn’t healthy. Chase responded by furrowing his eyebrows and muttering, “It wasn’t healthy? What do you mean?” Jackieboy Man let out a small sigh before placing a gentle hand on Chase’s shoulder.

“She told me that she screamed at you and-“

“Oh.” Chase’s gaze dropped down to his lap as he refused to look at his friends.

“Why didn’t you tell us? We could have helped you.”

“Where is she? I need to see her.” Chase’s voice was barely there.

“You’re not going to see her anymore. I won’t allow it.”

“Me neither.” Marvin spoke up, squeezing Chase’s hand to show his support. Chase frowned before harshly pulling his hand out of Marvin’s grip. “This is for the best.”

“You don’t know what’s the best for me... I know what’s best for me and I want-“ His breathing had rapidly increased in frequency and his whole body had began to tremble. Marvin gently placed a hand on Chase’s shoulder, watching as a tear dripped down his cheek. Chase furiously wiped it away.

“Chase, you can do this.”

“I can’t though. She was- I need- I-“

“Breathe.” The room went silent as Chase closed his eyes and slowly inhaled and exhaled until his breathing was back to normal.

“I don’t want to be alone...”

“You won’t be, okay Chase? You’ve got all of us, right guys?” Marvin looked at all of the other egos and they nodded in unison. Chase looked down at his lap then back at the egos one by one, forcing a small smile. He nodded and Marvin grinned, kissing his forehead gently.


End file.
